You know what happened to me? Darlene got me to go on this river cruise in Europe. One of the places we stopped at was in Austria. She said we were going to some kind of special event on shore. You know she made me take off my NRA cap and I had to put on a button-up shirt over my Jimmie Johnson t-shirt!
"I don't know why I have to do this," I complained as we boarded the bus at the pier.
"Because this is Vienna and Vienna is famous for classical music," She reminded me.
"Maybe on our next trip?"
"Nope, today! We're seeing The Vienna Residence Orchestra!" I was detecting a threat in her voice.
We boarded the big fifty foot Mercedes-Benz bus and were soon on our way through the rain drenched streets of Vienna. It is a beautiful city but did look better freshly washed. Soon we were getting off the bus at the Auersperg Palace.
There was two stairways leading up from the foyer. Columns of marble abound with banisters of carved stone. I believe that all of Europe sits on one huge rock that is constantly mined for building material. Most everywhere you go from Ireland to the Med has stone buildings.We opted for the elevator on the left of the stairs. (There was a bunch of stairs!) After we got out of the elevator we entered a large room. You could have put a dozen city busses in there or more. It was big! There was a small stage and about two hundred chairs in front of it. The room had very high ceiling with big curtains of shiny cloth. There was fancy wallpaper and, of course, more marble columns. I hadn't never seen nothin' like it before. We all set down. The chairs were really close together. It was very cozy. Then the band came out onto the stage. Darlene said it was an orchestra. She had taken me to see an orchestra before at the Sottile Theatre and it had about a hundred people in it. Don't guess you get but about ten people for sixty-five euros. That's sixty-five each. I had complained to Darlene about the price but she said we had to hear some classical music in Vienna.
Everybody got real quiet and they started playing. It looked like them fiddle players was trying to cut them fiddles up with them bows the way they was a sawing on 'em. A fellow told me one time 'bout how the fiddle makes that sound. It seems that the bow has hair from a horses tail on it and they put tree sap on that hair. That hair with the sap on it kinda sticks to the strangs as the fiddler moves the bow. And that is how the sound is made. Oh, yeah, one other thing. If the fiddle don't play bluegrass or country music it's called a violin, I reckon. They had violins, little bass fiddles some horns and a drum in the orchestra (band). There was a big piano too beside the stage with a lady in a long dress playing it. I whispered to Darlene, " When they gonna play the theme from the Long Ranger? They say that's classical music."
"That's from the opera William Tell by Rossini. This concert is the music of Mozart and Strauss," she said as she shushed me.
I don't like to be shushed.
The orchestra continued to play. After a while some dancers come out onto the little stage. They was ballet dancers. I have never been fond of men and women dancing around on their does although them girls do have some nice lookin' legs. I would not be caught dead wearing tights like them men wore. I mean what if you got hit by a car crossing the street. That would be worse than havin' on dirty underwear. They gotta be in pretty good shape like jocks. They do jump really high. After they danced a while the band, orchestra, took a break. We all got up and stretched and they gave us either champagne or orange juice. Champagne always tickles my nose. At least it was not as strong as that stuff they called schnapps we had at the horse show. It was real fire-water! We set back down again and the band, orchestra, played some more. I recognized the second song they played. It was from the Stanley Kubrik movie, 2001, A Space Odyssey. I was excited. I had recognized a song. I whispered my discovery to Darlene. But she said it was written by somebody named Strauss. After a while, some men and women come out and sung. There was two of each. I don't know what they were saying in the songs. It was in German or something. Darlene said it was opera. There were some people in front of us kinda giggling as the large lady was singing.
And then the concert was over. I guess it's true what they say, " It ain't over 'til the fat lady sangs!"
Claudette enjoyed the concert and I got another dose of culture. By the way, she said she thought the people were giggling because they thought the big lady singer might experience some kind of "wardrobe malfunction".
We got back to the ship in time for supper. I ain't seen any of them vienna sausages 'round here,
Latter, buddy,
Bubba
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