They Called it a Scone

Hey Tony,

I was thinking 'bout you the other day when me and Darlene was down in yo neck o' the woods.  We had been up to Myrtle Beach for a day or two. I just got me a new Ford F-150, and we decided that a beach trip would really check it out. I still got the old one though.  Darlene says they oughta bury me in it.  Well, anyway, we were coming down U.S. Highway 17 past Georgetown, and Darlene points to a sign and says, "Let's stop here for lunch."  The sign said, "Hopsewee Plantation".  "Mary Ann Belcher said they had a real nice tea room there."

"What's a tea room?" I asked, slowing down the pick-up truck.

"Oh, it's a restaurant," she said.

"Well, I'm gittin' kinda hungry; them grits, eggs, and gravy don't last forever. A burger and beer would go down just fine"

"I'm sure you'll find something you'll like, " she said smiling and added, "There's the entrance on the right!"

I pulled the Ford in through an open gate in the white fence and drove down the winding sandy drive.  There were some oak trees that don't shed their leaves and some palmettos along the road.  The land was flat as a pancake and not a sign of red clay. We saw a big white two-story house with the river the other side of it.  " Looks like the back of the house to me," I observed.

"It was built in 1740, and there weren't no roads then; everybody traveled by boat." Darlene liked to show off her knowledge of South Carolina history.

"You know what river that is?" I asked.

"It's the Santee.  It goes right on into the Atlantic Ocean."

"Humph!" I responded.

Before we got to the house, Darlene says, "There's the tea room over there!" She points to a low building that is built of a light colored wood, maybe cypress.

We parked the truck and walked down the pathway to the restaurant under old oak trees.  There were some kind of pretty red flowers blooming on some bushes.  The sign by the door said Welcome to River Oak Cottage.  We went in, and this good looking girl led us to a table in the back of the place.  We had passed the kitchen on the way in where a woman of color was cooking.  The dining room was pretty big with floor to ceiling windows all around.  You could see the big house and the river real easy.  There was a piano in the middle of the room, but it wasn't like that upright piano at the Baptist church. The top of this one opened up. If the top was closed down there would have been plenty of room to lay out a hog for pig-pickin'. They had fancy table cloths on the tables with real fancy plates, and everyone had a fancy cup and saucer. I noticed right away that we were not dressed like the other folks.  I had on my favorite faded jeans, a t-shirt with a little rebel soldier saying "Forget Hell!", and  a John Deere ball cap. Darlene had cleaned up right good in white short shorts, a tube top, and a brand new pair of sunglasses. Well, the pretty girl came back with the menus and asked what kind of tea we wanted. Darlene said we would have English Breakfast Tea.  I didn't know what to ask for. The girl come back with this little teapot.  I'm a iced tea drinker, but Darlene is still mighty good to me, so I go along with some of these girly things sometimes. Really...most of the time. The server, they don't call 'em waitresses anymore, asked if we wanted the Southern Tea.

"Of course we do," Darlene says in that sweet southern drawl of hers. Sometimes that girl's voice can make me break out in a cold sweat.

Buddy, let me tell you about the food they brought. This is what you get with the Southern Tea.

They had these little bitty round open-faced cucumber sandwiches the size of a half-dollar, a little bigger than a quarter. Everybody knows that cucumbers is for pickles, and they ain't fit for nothin' else. There was some kind of creamed salmon fish on a cracker. Everything was very small, even the little wedges of pie.  And these pie wedges had some kind of leafy turnip greens in it.  Most everythin' was on a cracker, too.  There musta been seven or eight different kinds with just one bite each.  A fella could go hungry eatin' like that. Then, she brought desert. It looked like a triangle shaped biscuit. Darlene called it a scone.  There was some kind of jam and some stuff called lemon curd that was sorta like the lemon meringue pie without the meringue and crust. The scones had berries in 'em too.  I will say that them scones was pretty good eatin'.  The girl brought some chocolates too.  That Darlene does like her chocolate.

I'm glad to say that Darlene really enjoyed the tea room at Hopsewee Plantation. We left after payin' an arm and a leg for all them "iddy, biddy, bites" and headed south on Highway 17.  I knew that somewhere down the road there was either a hotdog, cheeseburger, or rack of barbecue ribs with my name on 'em waiting for me. And there's a cold Bud longneck to go with 'em.

See you later,
Bubba